Yesterday at church our worship team sang "Moving Forward" (Israel Houghton..Please Youtube this!). About 3 minutes into the song the words repeat... "You make all things new, you make all things new, you make all things new, and I will follow you forward." Please watch the video to get the full effect and power of these words in context. It's still so cool to me how God knows you on such a personal level that He knew this was the song I needed to hear. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is 2 Corinthians 5:17- This means that anyone who belongs in Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (NLT).
Praise God! As I think of our upcoming anniversary and mission trip, I believe these words with all of my heart. Five years ago if you had told me on my 10 year wedding anniversary we would be serving in Africa together (or that we would even have a 10 year anniversary), I would have told you you were insane. We are a testimony that God is real and He is in the business of changing hearts. I just imagine He smiles when we have these revelations. Like He says, "Silly girl...do you not read your Bible? You know I created you anew in Christ Jesus so that you can do the good things I planned for you long ago (Ephesians 2:10). Long ago... like I knew this was your path and my plan. Thanks for getting with the program, April."
So as I think about those words from the song and the Bible I am just so thankful for what God has done in my life. But I have to say the reality of it all hit a little harder yesterday. In some ways it is nice to know what to expect, but in other ways I think it may be harder. We came back last year broken. Praise God for that, but it is hard. You can't spend days holding orphans in your arms and not be changed. A week after we came home we went to the beach for a few days. It was depressing. Why God? Why do we have so much and others give up their children in love because they can't feed them? As I watched my kids play in the waterpark, tears fell behind the glasses. Thank God Joe was with me and he felt the exact same way, because it's hard to talk about it. It is so hard when your heart has changed and you are burdened to share this, and most people don't care. It is hard to find the words when someone asks in passing, "How was your trip?" because life-changing is an understatement. So I wonder if knowing this will be better or will it be harder to come home this time? Especially now since we are going to visit folks we have talked with, emailed, prayed for and loved this whole year. This quote hung on a wall in an ministry we visited last year, and the words couldn't be more true: " If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in this world, than thank Him for breaking your heart." Oswald Chambers
The other reality that hit is how difficult it is to leave the kids. Some say it to my face and others behind my back, "I could never leave my children like that." I get it. 10 days is a long time. I'm sure they will miss us, but believe me they will be living the good life. Mimi (Joe's mom) and my babysitter will be taking care of them. Each day we are gone they get to open a letter from us and what I've called "guilt gifts." They are pumped. I just can't think about this part without getting teary. Last year I explained it to Kyla by saying that I loved them so much, but I love God more (I know this will seem bizarre to my non-Christian friends reading this). As Christians we are supposed to put God above everything else, and when your relationship is right with Him it positively changes your interactions and relationships with others. I am a better mom, wife, and friend when I am putting God first. Period. But what I realized is I never had to really "prove it." It is easy to say, "God is my number one." Harder to leave your kids for 10 days and go half way around the world. But I felt like that was the first time I really did put Him first. It would be easy to ignore the tugging of my heart. To stay home and go to Emerald Pointe and the Science Center. Sleep late and eat ice cream. But I think about what a better human being I am and how this has changed our family, our priorities, and the hearts and prayers of our little ones... and I remember it is more than worth it. He is more than worth it. Unplugged version of "Moving Forward"
